Connections

''Good evening, this is Tim, and with whom am I speaking?'' ''I’m Charles and actually not sure why I decided to call. Perhaps it was an ad I had seen online or just wanting to talk with someone different at this moment.'' ''Fully understood! For sure we can talk about anything you like.'' ''I don’t want to be nostalgic or maudlin, but it was two years ago today that my son Jason was killed in a boating accident. I say accident, because it was the lingo used during the investigation.'' ''I’m so very sorry for this terrible loss Charles. ''How old was your son?'' ''He was twenty-three and just starting his military career.'' ''So young! My father was in the military, he signed up to participate in the Korean War.'' ''We supported our son’s decision to join the army after university. He wasn’t a gun guy or overly patriotic, but he had a firm sense of what his country had given to him and felt it important to do something in return. ''I remember about twelve years ago when he came home from a movie with friends and was excited about the pre-show ad by the Canadian Armed Forces. It was a bit unusual, as Jason was generally more subdued. I recall him clearly saying, did you know that our army does so many different things? They go to war and do peacekeeping of course, but they also do search and rescue and help out Canadians when there is an emergency, like forest fires or earthquakes. ''I never heard another word about it Tim, until at seventeen he joined the militia and from there he was on his way to a career.'' ''It’s interesting Charles, that things can be percolating below the surface and suddenly it all comes together.'' -2- ''He was so pleased when he received his commission as an officer. His good friend Peter also obtained his the same day. I can tell you at three a.m. when the two boys got out of a taxi and staggered to the house more than a few neighbours heard the news.'' ''It sounds like it was a moment of real joy for him.'' ''It was, but I always had concerns that Peter didn’t fully appreciate that limits are there for a reason. ''Let me explain what I mean.'' ''For sure, please go ahead.'' ''About six months before the incident, Jason and Peter were going with friends to a party on a snowy night. Peter was driving, but had already consumed a few beers. The car slid into an embankment. No one was hurt, but it would no longer run. By chance a police car came by seconds after everyone got out. ''Jason thought if Peter talked to the police, they might give him a breathalyzer and he could end up with a criminal record. At that moment, he could see Peter really feared the impact on his military career. So Jason stepped forward as the officer got out of the car and explained he thought black ice caused them to lose control. ''And then when Jason died, it was the same thing. The investigation concluded that the two of them got into a small outboard along the South Nation River where they had been staying for a weekend with friends. I know both were over the legal limit for alcohol, but again, Peter was driving. They had no lights and their boat was pulverized when it ran into a bridge pillar downstream. ''Am I upset he was just a follower? No, and I’ll tell you why. ''In his final year of high school Jason intervened when a group of students were picking on a kid because he stuttered. He stepped between them and the boy and said that’s it. ''There were half a dozen of them and it could have turned out much differently for him. Others had just watched and he could have done the same. -3- ''What was so significant is that he didn’t tell me. It was a friend of his that had been there who informed me weeks after the event.'' ''That takes courage Charles''. ''Indeed it does. ''I must go as my wife and I have a busy day.'' ''All the best Charles! ''Please feel comfortable calling us again if you would like to talk.'' ''I doubt I will do that. Do you really think talking makes a difference? What does it change?'' ''I think it provides an opportunity to share our anxieties and fears without being judged. We all have them and it can be helpful to discuss those feelings.'' ''Goodbye!'' A Week Later ''Hello, I’m Tim and with whom am I talking?'' ''It’s Ted, calling for the first time.'' ''Hi Ted, I hope you feel comfortable speaking with me.'' ''I’m not convinced yet, but I’ll give it a try.'' ''Ok let’s do that. Is there anything in particular you’d like to raise?'' ''Yes, I’m not feeling very good about where I’m at. My wife left me and I think it’s fair to say that the relationship with my son is in the dumpster.'' ''I see! How old is your son?'' -4- ''Nick is sixteen and on the verge of dropping out of school. He hates it. In fact, he hates most things. That of course doesn’t apply to his online activities. No problem focusing there.'' ''Is your son still with you, or does he live with his mother?'' ''Frankly, it’s both. He stays with me until I’m on the verge of kicking him out, then it’s off to his mother’s. I think he likes it there because my ex lives with a computer programmer and the two of them share an interest in the dark web, whatever that is.'' ''Ted, may I ask what you do on an ongoing basis?'' ''I’m in construction. I like my job. It feels good when the project is finished. There are a number of buildings and houses in the area that I have worked on and it’s great when I drive by and see those solid buildings.'' ''It’s really good you have this sense of accomplishment. ''You mentioned earlier that you were not feeling good about where you were at. You talked about your son, but I’m wondering if there is anything else bothering you?'' ''You sure like to get to the bottom of things. But yes, I’m often in pain from a fall years ago and I guess you’d say I’m depressed. My doctor thinks so anyway. I have these pills that are supposed to help. ''But I think the only way I’ll feel better, like I once did, is if I take the whole bottle.'' ''Ted, are you really thinking of that?'' ''I knew if I called you people, you would badger me, as if you have any real life experience anyway.'' ''Ted, I’m sorry if you feel like I’m trying to interfere with your life. Quite honestly, I am here to listen. I would never say I have the answer for other people.'' ''Look, let’s call it a day. You have done your job and I’ll do mine.'' -5- ''I’m wondering Ted if you would agree to call us if you are seriously contemplating taking your life.'' ''Get real! Why would I do that?'' The dial tone was the next sound Tim heard as he contemplated the call, reflecting about a voice that seemed somewhat familiar. The Next Day ''Good morning, my name is.'' ''Oh hello, my name is Stephanie and I want to talk with you about a matter that is troubling me.'' ''For sure, I’m Tim. Let's discuss it.'' ''I have a ten year-old daughter, Susan, who is being bullied at school. It’s subtle and it affects her sleep and overall sense of well-being. She put on some weight recently and I’m sure you can imagine the kind of things she hears.'' ''I’m wondering if you’ve had the chance to speak to her classroom teacher or perhaps even the principal.'' ''I have and it was a waste of time. Both of them told me they are on the lookout but have seen no evidence of bullying. ''It’s not physical violence, basically she’s being mocked and shunned. She is miserable Tim. ''Susan and her good friend Talia, here in the neighbourhood, but who goes to another school, still get along very well. Nothing has changed there. ''So what do you think I should do?'' ''From what you just said about her maintaining a good friendship with Talia, it seems likely that something has happened in her classroom. So perhaps it’s worth revisiting it with her teacher.'' -6- ''That’s not really useful. I already told you the school did nothing. ''I thought you people would be helpful. What good is it if I call and you don’t provide answers. I can try something but I don’t have the expertise that your organization has. Should I simply hang up and call a little later in hopes of finding someone who can actually help? ''Again, what do you think I should do?'' ''Stephanie, I understand that you are deeply concerned about the well-being of your daughter. That’s very appropriate. However, the role of volunteers at the centre is not to indicate what the caller should do, but to work with that person, who is better placed to come to a determination about what they might do.'' ''I kind of hoped that I could, obviously foolishly, get some assistance by calling. It’s clear I won’t. So I’m done talking.'' A Month Later ''Tim, that was an intense and touching play. I noticed, you seemed especially engaged in the second act when those first responders were dealing with that father whose son was seriously injured in an accident, when he was driving. I thought their responses, and especially how they interacted with him, showed real sensitivity. ''I heard a review earlier today, where the lead male actor said he and his partner in the play, tried to immerse themselves in the world of crisis counselors and sought out various experiences in preparing for their roles. ''I have to say when he said Louisa and I did some, how shall I put it, creative outreach, I was a little puzzled. It’s not like they could drive around in an ambulance with first responders in anticipation of arriving on the scene of a person in crisis and then watch up close.'' ''That’s a good observation Nathalie. Listening to you makes me indeed wonder about how one reaches out in such a way. Six Days After That -7- ''Lawrence, some guy wants to speak with you. I think it may be another interview opportunity.'' ''I'll be there in just a minute.'' ''Hi Lawrence, I’m Tim. I guess after the final performance tonight, you are feeling pretty good about the successful run of your play.'' ''We are! It was a lot of work preparing for the roles.'' ''You really did a nice job, especially in the scene with the distraught father. I understand you did some, as you put it in an interview, creative outreach. How exactly did you do that?'' Smiling, he replied, ''like a good magician who doesn't reveal their secrets, a good actor shouldn’t inform people about all of his preparations.'' ''I see! ''Well Lawrence, or should I say, Charles, or Ted, or Stephanie, or the many other names you and Louisa used in engaging volunteers at the crisis centre who are trying to support people in need.'' ''Who are you? I don’t know what you are talking about.'' ''Oh yes you do! ''Your craft is important and I don’t take umbrage with preparing to appear before the public. It’s challenging! ''But I, and the others, with whom you spoke during your phony calls, also know our roles are important. And with limited resources, it is very inappropriate to take up time that individuals in need could use to engage volunteers, for your own research purposes. ''It’s quite possible other callers would not have been able to get through at the time, and who knows if they would call back. Depending on their situation, it can take a lot of courage to reach out to someone whom they don’t know. -8- ''Those conversations can be draining, especially when the volunteer may have lingering doubts about how well they handled the call. ''What the two of you did was wrong!'' ''I’m sorry, we never thought it would create a problem or any stress for the volunteers on the phone. We assumed, and wrongly on our part I see, that experienced people who work at the centre would simply see the calls as the same old. ''I had no idea of the potential impact on others being unable to reach the centre.'' Reaching out to shake his hand, Tim replied, ''this play is a quality production. If you had called the centre and asked to meet with a few volunteers, we would have been pleased, indeed honoured, to work with you.’’