Connections

''Bert, tell me a story from your past,'' was the first thing he said as I sat by his bed. ''I’m asking that of all my friends. I can’t concentrate enough to read and feel pretty weak, but I’m still thirsty about people’s lives and experiences.'' Owen’s room in the hospice was colourful and inviting. The cards strung across the ceiling were hand made by his five now adult grandchildren. Years earlier, for their twelfth birthday, he had taken each of them on a trip where they wanted to go. The only question he asked was why, and loved to mention Olive, the last one, who fifteen years ago, excitedly talked about her rationale for visiting Berlin. She had told him that after the war it was estimated it would take tens of thousands of women working continuously for a quarter of a century simply to clear the rubble. Olive wanted to see the new look and recently started working there as an architect. Owen and I were volunteers at the local boys and girls club. He was about to turn eighty, a decade older than me and a successful businessman. His life was a go go one and only slowed down with the onset of cancer that rejected all treatments. As I filled his glass of water, he said, ''I know you spent a couple of years out of the country as a volunteer after university, give me a critical overview of that time.'' ''Ok, but recollection almost five decades later is subject to some memory lapses.'' ''The experience will be amazing, was the key message I had heard from many in the months prior to my departure. ''Owen, I’m sure you’ll recall at that time, the society that birthed you and me was in change mode, both within and in its focus on others. ''It’s a new world order, we’re providing brain power instead of using fire power, was the message from the head of orientation just after our arrival. ''These sessions helped you to get your bearings. ''Major Ted, as we called him, an articulate officer in the country’s army, offered sound advice; listen and observe for the first little while. This is not your world. It has been turned upside down by yours, at least on the surface it has. ''The small group of volunteers, of which I was a part, was a mixed bag. Some retired, wanting a last fling with the excitement that beckoned. Others, unsure of their future, were looking for a guidepost that would do the trick. One who volunteered, came to escape turmoil in her life, with tragic consequences. -2- ''I had just completed a master’s degree in history and was influenced by my older sister Margaret who led the charge at family suppers on issues like imperialism and social justice.'' ''How old were you at the time Bert?'' ''I was twenty-four and wanted, what I called a seminal experience.'' ''Oh yes, the impossible hopes of youth.'' ''I guess I was influenced by my father who once described his military service during World War II in such a way. He left Timmins at eighteen, soon after the outset of the war, and five years later was worldly in ways that impacted my upbringing. ''The letter I received from the school principal gave me an idea of the physical plant and what my responsibilities would be. ''I was very excited that the secondary school would include students from a large geographical area, many of whom lived in dormitories on the grounds.'' ''Were schools that boarded students commonplace at that time?'' ''No, it was quite unusual. The school had been set up about ten years before I arrived and was run by a religious order. However, many of the staff were not religious and the priest who founded the place was tough, but fair and practical. He was from Southie, that Irish enclave in Boston and often found it a challenge dealing with the nuns and priests at the school from Europe. ''It was a bit of an old world/new world dichotomy that took place in the third world. ''I was excited to be teaching geography and social studies and brought some materials I thought might be useful for my classes. ''One of the teachers who arrived at the same time as me was Ethel, who hated her old lady’s name, and was anything but. Just months younger than me, she had traveled alone and came up from Australia for the job. An American, she had been active in the anti-war movement while at university in Connecticut. ''Teachers were in demand, but many stayed only a year, as the excitement of a world so different from their own often quickly lost its allure.'' ''Bert, as a non-trained teacher, how did you fare?'' -3- ''Ah, a pertinent question indeed!'' ''Discipline in general wasn’t a big issue, but communication was initially a problem. At the end of the first semester, a student who would later become a pilot with the national airline, told me the class was having trouble understanding me. ''That was a tough pill to swallow, so I spent the week off reviewing my lesson plans, talking with the principal and comparing notes with Ethel. ''The next semester went a lot better, and by mid-year I was coaching basketball, going into town on a daily basis to get the mail and received positive feedback from some of the students. I was in a good space. ''At the end of the school year, the students who boarded went home. One of them, I remember his first name was Matthew, told me after returning, he had undergone the ceremony to become a man and to reinforce the importance of brotherhood in his community. One of the features was small cuts on his chest and backside that were then filled with medicinal mud and herbs. So when they healed little bumps would form and you could see a pattern. ''I felt a sense of awe when Matthew told me about the initiation. It is something that they had been doing for millennia and I know he felt special being a part of it.'' ''That was amazing Bert! A community deeply anchored in traditions that easily outlasted practices in any of the world’s great religions and enduring societies.'' ''One of the teachers on staff was an elderly guy. He had been at the school a few years and had gone home between my first and second year. Obviously something happened during that time, because in his science classes, which were a mix of boys and girls, he started to speak about issues such as reproduction and menstruation. These were subjects not explored at the time pretty much anywhere, and were taboo for the students there. A number of individuals thought that he had gone troppo.'' ''Did I hear that correctly, did you say going troppo?'' ''Yes, it was used to describe someone who acted strangely because of the tropical heat. ''Sadly for him, that was the end of his career. I think he was trying to be open about life, but those facts were not wanted or accepted. ''Early, in my second year, I engaged the students in a discussion about values in a changing society. I had asked if it was important to continue to follow principles that maintained stability and traditions, or adjust due to pressures or influences from the outside. -4- ''During the exchange, a student who lived in the highlands told the class about an incident that occurred just after Christmas. ''A young girl from his village was crossing the road and was hit by a car. The driver and his companion, a medical doctor, both from another part of the country, stopped to provide assistance. As word spread a crowd quickly assembled and attacked the two men, killing both of them. ''It was never ascertained if the driver was culpable. The violent response was based on the custom of payback. A practice of retaliation to ensure equilibrium when one group has been harmed by another. ''The general student reaction was one of support for the action taken by the community. I was not surprised but found it hard to accept that it happened. ''I got to know a volunteer from England who arrived halfway through my first year and who worked at a school nearby. Roger and I went to a local hotel on Friday nights from time to time to have a beer and exchange ideas about teaching strategies. ''One day he told me about someone from England who used to repair medical machines pretty much throughout the country. The guy boasted that he used this opportunity, as he called it, to promise a permanent relationship to seduce local staff at hospitals. Roger, who eventually became an Anglican priest when he returned home, told me he was furious and slapped the guy, warning him never to do that again. ''I liked Roger because he was tough, but kind and respectful. I guess you could say that’s my take of what a man is.'' Laughing, Owen said, ''were you a Clint Eastwood in teacher’s clothing Bert?'' ''Not quite! But I did tell a colleague at school who sometimes pushed students during rugby practice for playing poorly, that he wouldn’t like it If I pushed him. And presto, it stopped. ''One of the most significant events of the second year was the addition of two local teachers. Perspective and understanding provide opportunities to better meet the needs of the students. ''The school and staff really benefited from their contributions. I connected with Lawrence who taught art and showed me a number of his works. Never my forte, but I am drawn to images that speak to me. He helped me to better understand what was rarely conveyed about his society except through the lenses of anthropologists and public servants. -5- ''Now that the juices are flowing, I remember an event that occurred near the end of my first year. One of the teachers from New Zealand had a strained relationship with the principal. He saw him as too authoritarian and dogmatic. I didn’t share that view, thinking the principal was trying to balance the needs of the students and the interests of the staff. ''He came to talk to me one day and I told him I would not sign his petition demanding a teachers’ council that would vet major decisions about the school’s operation, as I disagreed with its premise. What really frustrated me was that he was not committed to staying more than a year. I told him that stirring the pot and then bailing was not my idea of meaningful change.'' ''Bert, you mentioned this teacher who thought she had an old lady’s name. I sensed there was more than a professional connection. Or is that just the misreading of an old guy.'' ''You’re right Owen, we were more than colleagues, at least for a while. ''Almost from our first meeting we were drawn to one another. But intimacy in that setting was not a given. Ethel lived in the same building as the nuns and I lived in the single men’s structure that included a few priests and brothers. At school, we never displayed our feelings and didn’t touch each other in public. ''The sexual revolution had not arrived in the country, but of course that didn’t mean nothing happened. After a few months at the school, Ethel met a public health nurse who visited small communities for a few days at a time. ''She gave Ethel the key to her apartment and asked her to water plants and keep an eye on the place. We never stayed overnight as we judged it would be obvious what was happening. ''I loved the moment holding Ethel in my arms as the light of day disappeared. ''Our relationship blossomed until about two months before the end of the school year. One afternoon as we were talking about the next year and beyond, Ethel said I need to tell you about something that happened at university. ''She and her boyfriend at the time were involved in the anti-Vietnam War movement. Wanting to make a statement they decided to break into the Dean of Arts office and paint slogans on his wall. While in the office, they heard someone in the hallway. They were scared and when a security guard opened the door, her boyfriend pushed him and they fled as he lay on the floor with what turned out to be a broken arm. ''A few days later, another couple, who were well known for their involvement in anti-war protests was arrested for assault. The university was moving quickly to expel them. -6- ''She told her boyfriend that they had to turn themselves into the police. He begged her not to, telling her it could affect his draft deferral and his conservative father would cut him off financially. ''She went on to tell me that because of subsequent demonstrations the arrest and pending expulsion had generated, the university was looking for a way to defuse the situation. When it became apparent the security guard could not identify the attacker, and the couple agreed to leave town without being expelled, everything calmed down. ''Ethel told me categorically she would never do anything like that again.'' ''That’s the reason I left for Australia and then came here. I wanted to start anew,'' she said. ''When I learned what happened, I remember feeling as if I had been sucker punched and told her I needed a bit of time to process it. But I already knew I couldn’t continue. I spent days re-running the situation in my mind. It’s not that I am unable to forgive and haven’t made mistakes myself, but I thought her action was fundamental to who she was and wondered if I could truly trust her. ''What added to my angst was that I was thinking of asking her to marry me and having the wedding at the school at the end of the year. ''The next two months were painful, and although she had planned to stay a second year, to the relief of both of us, she left. It was the lowest point of my life, but Roger, whom I told just about everything, helped me get through it and the second year was pretty good.'' ''I would say it was indeed a pretty special time, Bert. I’m sure it met your wish for a seminal experience.'' ''It sure did, but I should add that I recently tried to reconnect with a former student, whose village invited me to stay with them for a weekend just before returning home. It was a marvelous time. ''Gilbert was only two years younger than me. It was simply a function that the first school arrived in his community when he was already twelve. ''Sadly, my attempt was without success! I was not trying to rekindle what was, but wondering if his hopes and expectations that we discussed that weekend had been met.'' ''I understand Bert why you wanted to reconnect with your former student. Lying here, I have had similar thoughts about people’s lives who have been a significant part of mine going back -7- sixty plus years. But I also realize that many experiences in life are like a relay race. You give your best and you hand on the baton.''